What is Self-Love (Plus 5 ways to start your journey)

As I dive into prep mode for my upcoming group breathwork sessions and free 5-day challenge both themed around self-love, I've challenged myself to explore the theme deeply.

Self-love isn't something that comes easy for me or any other humans on this planet for that matter. So, instead of 'mastering' then teaching it, I thought it would be helpful to share some insight into what I've learned, my own journey, and some helpful tips to help you start embodying self-love TODAY.

Let me start by asking you this: What does self-love mean to you?

When I posed this question on my Instagram stories I was met with equal parts confusion, pleas for direction, and deep self-honoring.

So here is where I think we get the idea of self-love wrong:

Self-love isn't something you add to your to-do list.
It isn't one specific ritual, activity, or exercise.
It isn't something you need me to tell you what it is (sorry!)
And, it doesn't come with a set of conditions (i.e. I'll love myself when....)

So what is it?

Here are a few things I've learned or felt in my own journey:

Self-love is not something we are taught yet it can be something we learn. This type of learning is subtle and comes from turning inward and being open to feedback. Listening to your heart, your body, your intuition. Your body will tell you when to say yes, when to say no, and where you might be compromising yourself for the sake of someone else. An act of self-love is honoring that which your body is asking for and not compromising yourself.
Self-love is not a destination, but a journey. Kind of like mindfulness, it requires moment-to-moment acceptance of where you are through the lens of grace and forgiveness vs judgment and envy. This was a tough one for me. As someone who has entangled my quest for self-love with how I am feeling about my weight, learning to let go of the person I was or who I am striving to be and embody who I am in this moment has been one of my biggest challenges.
Self-love holds no specific shape but definitely has boundaries. How I approach and embody self-love will look very different from how you do BUT what is required to honour the truth of who we are is to set CLEAR boundaries that allow us to stay in integrity with who we are. (said a different way: people-pleasing is NOT an act of self-love, quite the opposite.
Self-love doesn't require you to fix, change or heal yourself to become whole. You are not broken. In fact, self-love IS embodying your wholeness so you can heal. And yes, you are already whole, just as you are. An act of self-love is remembering that.

What I am certain about is that this: the truest act of self-love is honouring your heart's truth. And, that comes with curiosity and a willingness to have a healthy (two-way) relationship with your body. You see, I could tell you things that I do to honour my truth, protect my energy, and listen to my body but these are the things that work for me at this moment. The beautiful and often frustrating part of this thing called life is that we are all unique so if you want to know what self-love means to you ask your body what it needs and practice listening.

Here are a few thought-starters and things I like to do to start you on your journey to self-love:

Heart Connection: Close your eyes, place your hand over your heart and breathe into your heart space. Use this practice to invite yourself home whenever you lose your way. Your heart knows. It will guide you, so CONNECT!
Breathe Deeply: Breathwork has been the most efficient way for me to bypass my overthinking mind, connect to my heart, and hear my truth.
Open Communication. Ask your body what it needs, what it needs from you. Your body is wanting you to love, trust and respect it as much as you want that. We've spent a lifetime distancing ourselves from our bodies and our true nature, it's time to come home!
Self-Inquiry. For me, journaling helps me get under the surface and bring the shadow into the light. Here are 5 prompts that can help:
- What does my body need right now?
- How can I honor that today?
- Where might I be abandoning myself?
- What boundary can I set or lesson can I learn from that?
- If your heart was to speak to you now, what would it say?
Begin again. Remember, it's a journey and like any great journey, you will lose your way. When you do, simply begin again. Like I say in breathwork, every breath is an opportunity (and an invitation) to begin again.